nervous college breakdown prt 2

so i just thought of something
i just dont know how to say it with out completely saying it.
maybe i shouldnt have started this post...hmmm...im three lines into the post and now four so what the hell here goes *breathe*
I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL
first il start off with school...my english professor is a bitch..she is a bitch becasue she is right. im an honors student. there are things that are expected of me and i havnt been doing them. i disappoint my self and i guess hearing the truth completley cut me deep.
it faced me with my recklessness of my education...i hate it when im the blame for the things that are holding me back..and i guess beating myself up about it isnt going to change the fact that i fucked up. yes FUCKED UP. i guess i just have to move on *sigh*
second thing....o0o0o0 how do i state this...i cant...
no se porque me siento asi....

nervous college breakdown

so its crazy funny how like im stressed as it all ready is and like before i get to handle one stresser i get faced with another...(ok shawnee just blog it out)
here goes...wait im not ready.
today i had another conversation in my head..it was like shawnee go hide and i was like no...then the voice said dude your not emotionally stable to face what your about to face..then i told the voice to fuck off. (and yes i am crazy)
but on a serious note..i always run away from my problems..but its sick because i thought i hit that maturity level where im able to deal..i guess im not. i thought i stopped all my running
my problem is i can talk the talk but when situations make me walk the walk..i cant. (i need to come up with another word..situation sounds old)
this is frustrating and yes i know very confusing on your part because i know you have no idea what im talking about and i hope that one day i will have the courage to post a completely honest post that will tie all of the confuzzling blogs together (is confuzzling even a frekn word)
im a hot mess. please bear with me.

behind brown eyes

BABY STEPS- a saying that means you cant jump into something, you have to ease your way into it.

EXPECTATIONS- pressure put on a person in hopes that they live up to them

DISAPPOINTMENT- the feeling you get when they or your self dont

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN- when the walls begin to close in because this shit is getting to be too much

MEN-another word for headache or stress; sometimes referred to as pain in the ass

and no this isnt hooked on phonics this is me breaking down my current life. this is me attempting to blog my emotions out because right now i dont know how to handle what im feeling.

CONFUSION- another word for SHAWNEE